so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
