My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
this boner is exhausting
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
