i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
