someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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