Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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