Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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