He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
