How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
