it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
