there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
