Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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