We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
