my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i've created a new STD.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
