i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
