I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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