I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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