I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
