dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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