it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
