Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
