She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
