Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
