help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
sex in a hospital.. check
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
