Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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