pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
