And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
