So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
