The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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