Just fell off a train. Bad.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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