The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I CAN MOONWALK!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
