Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
