It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he thought i was a dude.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
