I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just invented taco cereal.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
