The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
