is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's never too late to be topless.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize