summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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