$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am one with the molecules
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
