I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
