Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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