Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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