I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize