i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
