just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
