I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize