I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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