Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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