Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
