Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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