Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We're too hungover to prance.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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