we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize