there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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