I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
