yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
