That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I supernannyed him into submission
Pooping to opera.
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