Whod you bang
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dick very happy bro
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