Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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