its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
