Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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