My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
cat food counts as protein by the way
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
