I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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