thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
