She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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