I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
