In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
