How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I fill condoms, not promises.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize