I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
