I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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