I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
