I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
