you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
