I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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