Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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