I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
