Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
