I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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