...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
