Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
