Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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