ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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