If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
