just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
