Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
