We're like a lot better than the average bears
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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