and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
