im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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