naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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