Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
