got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
