What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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