drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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