I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
