***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
