just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
