On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
