More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
