ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
