there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
