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I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just googled if crying burns calories
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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