I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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