put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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