i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
