are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
