Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
