Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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