So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
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