the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
