just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
