i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
