im holly from the hills drunk
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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