All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
