So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
last night I used snow as a chaser
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
